Some years ago our Business Manager at Whitley College said to me: You know, in all the years that I have worked in the not-for-profit sector, this is the only place where I am constantly thanks for what I do. I was so glad to hear that we did thank him. He deserved it!
I had noticed some time earlier how often people in the USA thank others, whereas in many contexts in Australia this did not happen. I think actually we put such a premium on being ‘genuine’ that we avoid any implication that we are not sincere in our thanks—so we just don’t say anything!
Gratitude is another important habit of life: it’s a stance, or attitude, in which we can live.
Last week I overheard a quite frail old lady greeting several others, I think meeting for a morning coffee. One of the others asked how she was and she replied: ‘Good thanks, at least I’m still vertical!’ Behind that wry humour was the sense of being glad to be alive, perhaps in spite of her daily aches and pains.
Gratitude is a habit that arises from recognition that we are gifted, or graced: we have received. As children we were taught a song about ‘count your blessings’. That was meant to encourage us to focus on the good things in our lives, rather than what we did not have.
Although this attitude might be used in a sinister way, to encourage the poor to be happy with their lot, I think it may have a more constructive and positive meaning.
To be grateful is a habit of life which contrasts with a stance I call grasping. In that position, we focus upon what we can get. We may work for it, but also we use our relationships and opportunities for our own benefit, always. This is more than being ‘entrepreneurial’, trying to achieve things, striving for excellence, and so forth. This grasping stance all too easily is manipulative, using others without realising it, often. A grasping stance sees life as a competitive environment, in which whoever ends up with the most ‘toys’ wins.
By contrast, gratitude is inherently less driven to get, and quite naturally engages with others, to give. Gratitude leads to generosity, and it is an interesting and almost universal phenomenon that those who have less are more willing to give, more willing to share and to support others.
I have written at length, in other posts, about the biblical idea, ‘In everything give thanks’, and will not repeat that here. Rather, I am interested simply to try to describe what I think it might mean to live in this habit—or perhaps better to ‘live into’ this habit, as it is not something we ‘achieve’.
Gratitude is a continuous opportunity, challenge, even discipline. So what might it mean to live this way?
- First, I think it means to see and value what is. That is what that old lady was saying when she remarked, ‘I’m still vertical.’
I like this line from one version of the Daily Office: ‘As we rejoice in the gift of this new day …’
To see and value what is may be a challenge at times, perhaps when we are mindful of illness, grief, or some other loss.
I remember that one of my teachers illustrated this attitude with the quotation, ‘I had no shoes, and complained, until I met someone who had no feet.’ I’ve heard others say, ‘There’s always someone who is worse off.’
But I mean something more than that.
It is not only by comparison that we may see and value what is. To value life is to value other people, those who gave us life, those who encouraged us, taught us, even challenged us. To value what is may also mean being glad to have things to look forward to: hopes and dreams. Increasingly I am aware how fortunate we are when we have choices to be made. There are many who have little choice, or who do not have the freedom to exercise their choices or hopes.
Gratitude begins with a genuine focus and value on all this is given to us. - Gratitude also means exercising or using what is given to us. Picture the situation where a generous friend offers us a gift, say a new car. Some months later they visit us, and discover that the car has been carefully garaged and has never been driven. Surely that generous donor would be disappointed, if not perhaps angry with us.
To be grateful is to exercise our gifts, to the best of our ability.
This principle may apply to areas of work or study, music and arts, sports and recreation. But it also applies in terms of relationships and community. What exactly it means is part of the challenge and joy of being gifted—not in the sense of a special ability, but simply in the sense of receiving the gifts of life, love, freedom, and opportunity to be someone, with and for others. - Living in gratitude also means seeing and valuing what others are and achieve. This may be in contrast to our own lives, such as when we admire another person’s skill or grace, but it may also mean valuing what we are together. Members of a team are often bound together in appreciation of what they are together, far more than they could ever be alone.
This is a metaphor for all life: the habit of gratitude means affirming and celebrating who we are together, each one a gift to the community, with a specific contribution. - As already noted, gratitude leads to giving, generosity. Living in gratitude means sharing what we can.
There are those whose gift is to tell stories. In many cultures a physical gift is an essential part of a visit, while for others the gift offered is food and hospitality.
Living in gratitude does not require this giving, as if it is a duty. Rather, this sharing flows, naturally and warmly, from that sense of being gifted.
As noted in another post, growing things such as in a vegetable garden quite naturally leads to sharing the fruits of the earth and of one’s labour.
Other gifts may include what we earlier called truth: a commitment to genuineness in relationship. Finally, I think living in gratitude offers and shares the gifts of patience and hope. Put simply, this is the gift of waiting, which is in strong contrast to what I called grasping.
The habit of gratitude is able to wait, in hope, but also contentment. This attitude makes it possible to rest, which will be the subject of my next post, the idea of sabbath.
Again, may I invite comments, perhaps to offer a different perspective, or to add to these thoughts.
Earlier posts: